Forgiveness, Letting Go, and the Spiritual Act of Surrender

By Dr. Katie Eastman & Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino

Forgiveness is often talked about as the key to healing. Many religious and spiritual traditions encourage us to forgive those who have harmed us, and research shows that forgiveness can promote health and peace of mind. But for some people, especially survivors of abuse or trauma, forgiveness of another may not feel possible—or even appropriate.

It’s important to acknowledge this truth: healing does not always require forgiving the person who harmed you. For some, insisting on forgiveness can add another layer of pain, making them feel pressured or invalidated. Spirituality should never be about forcing a response that feels unsafe or untrue.

What can be healing is shifting the focus inward—toward self-forgiveness, letting go, and surrender. Self-forgiveness allows us to release guilt or shame we may carry, even if we were never at fault. It means recognizing our humanity, our limitations, and our right to heal without perfection.

Letting go is another spiritual act. It doesn’t mean excusing harm—it means releasing the power that resentment or anger holds over us. Letting go creates space for peace and new possibilities. It is not about them—it is about us.

And then there is surrender. In spirituality, surrender is not giving up; it is opening up. It is the act of releasing control over what we cannot change, handing it over to God, Spirit, or simply the flow of life. Surrender is trust that even in our brokenness, we can still move forward.

In The Peace Guidebook, we write about the peaceful act of forgiveness. Healing is not one-size-fits-all. Forgiveness may help some people, but for others, the path lies in self-forgiveness, letting go, and surrender. These are equally powerful spiritual acts that promote and support peace within that extends outward. 

✨ Reflection Prompt: Is there something you need to forgive yourself for—or let go of—that is keeping you from peace? What might surrender look like for you in this season?